time is always against me
ok so it's been a pretty long damn time since I've posted anything worth reading. Though then again most of the stuff is prolly not worth reading anyways. Oh well. I'm in a very unhappy mood right now, so whatever I do talk about on here, prolly wont be positive.
Lets see, from where I left off, I went to stay with my father for about a week. It wasn't that exciting up there. I don't know anyong aside from my family up there and it was pretty damn cold for the whole time. Too cold to go outside, and i had the coldest bedroom in their cold house. I spent the whole time with family and shivering. Exciting or no? My family wants me to move up with them now. Especially since that whole court deal. But I don't know, I think I'd be even more lonely up there than what I am here. Well than again, who knows. Cuz at least up there I'd have people to talk to each day. Unlike here when I have to be lucky if someone remembers to say hello to me. They want me to go to school up there and work up there. I don't see myself getting any better of a job in Hicksville BC as I would get here in Calgary, and as for school, no matter where I go I still don't know what I'd even want to take. I guess in the long run it would be better for me to stay in calgary for now, just get the fuck out of bowness. And then eventually get out of calgary and move somewhere like New York.
After I got back to calgary I decided I wasn't going to go back to court and therefore dropping the charges I could have laid on the pervert across the street from me. I twas not worth it to me..I just want to forget about it all. That is why I want to get out of bowness. Well the main reason anyways. Every time I leave my place now I have to look across the street and look to see if that asshole is waiting to attack me again or something. It's hard on the nerves to have to worry about him all the time. Whatever happened to love thy fucking neighbor.
Other reasons why I want to get out of bowness would be my parents and how I think I would just get along alot better with them if I didn't live so close to them. They are pretty fet up with me right now I imagine. My stepfather gave me the whole "You're turning into a punk and alcoholic. You need to grow up and stop ruining your life" lecture. If that's even a typical lecture that anyone else might have ever heard. I would also like to be closer to friends, so they'd stop excluding me from ge-togethers, or forgetting about me, or being too lazy to see me. I'm so very lonely here in bowness.
The few of us were supposed to get a place together, which sounded like the best thing for the time that I stay here. Who knows when and if that will fucking happen. I should just go live on the streets or some shit like that. fuck...
I got my eyebrow pierced with a guy at work a week or so ago. Slightly more than half th epeople I asked what they thought about it said it would look good, so I got it done. Alot of people said that it would look bad this time...but I didn't reallyc are cuz i actually wanted this piercing, so fuck everyone....I went and got it. My parents and work both kinda flipped in their own way. My stepfathers was park of the punk lecture, my mothers was "What the fuck did you do to your face?" and works was just like "havn't they said anything about it yet? they're gonna make you take it out or fire you". And then the guy I get it done with talks with me at work, and all of a sudden everyone assumed that he and I are going to go out or something. What the hell, so much jumping to conclusions.
I dyed my hair yesterday. Well I got it trimmed and I got the front (what would be my bangs if I had any) bleached blonde. I like it, even if it is rather bright. I've never done anything to my hair before, so I guess it was time for a start. It looks like Rogue style from Xmen. Whether it looks bad or what anyone thinks about it, I don't really care. Not at the moment at least. The dumb girl doing my hair tho combed down the front of my face and hit my barbel and knocked one of the gems out of it. Wasted like an extra bit of money to get a fancy barbel with gems in it that matched my nose ring and necklace, and all for nothing.
A girl from work told me yesterday that maybe I might the chance to get a position at the new store. I would be doing nothing but FM (my promotion), which would be what I really wanted, to get away from cashing. But knowing my luck they wont want me or some shit. I'd have to take two buses to get up there anyways, unless Keith will finally fix up that car for me...but he says that I wouldn't be able to afford insurance anyways. He has no faith in me at all.
I've started trying to save extra money. Cuz wether my typical 'friends' want to or not, I am going to move out of here. And I'm not going to fuck things up because I spent too much on alcohol and the sort. It's not worth it.
Apparently, Kelda is going to her program thing with my very first boyfriend. A guy I havn't seen for 7 or 8 years now, and never thought I'd hear of again. What a small world. He wants to talk to me, and I wonder if he'll come to Calgary for a bit once they finish their program.
I think I need more friends...for when the regulars decide to exclude you from their regular getting of togetherness. I have like no girl friends anymore, and that alone feels kind of weird. And the to be practically called "One of the guys" from a guy of the group. i'm such a loser, i've been doing nothing but working lately. And it makes me feel so lonely, I'm so fucking lonely. Here in my piece of shit bowness shack. And when I finally think that I'll be doing something with my friends, I get so happy that I'm going to get to do something. And then I get fucking ditched.
oh and fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck....fuck
I'm off to my loser-ish bed, in my piece of shit shack, cuz i'm a loser and I'm not doing anything exciting tonight. As usual. Good Night
(I did say I was in a bad mood right?)