hrm

Today was a very misplaced day. I am only posting because I promised that I would.

huzzah

ok, I've been meaning to post......really. Hrm I really shouldn't leave it as long as this, now I find myself wondering what exactly to post.

Shortly after my last post I held some of the best parties I've had so far and I was getting really excited about throwing some more as the holidays progressed, but then I was attacked by my neighbor. Yes actually attacked while walking down the street sometime after midnight. It was very scary and resulted in a week of dealing witht he cops and court and getting a restraining order and whatnot. After that my parents informed me that I prolly wouldn't want to have people over to my place for a while. It sucked majorly. Plus I've been afraid to step out of my own house since then, even tho I have the restraining order put on this jerk. For the five years that I've been here my parents tried to caution me about walking around the bad neighborhood we're in, but nothing ever happened to me once, until now. It jsut makes me feel so insecure. Nothing like this would ever happen back home. I need someone to keep me safe.

So the guy from work that keeps asking me out was invited to one of my parties and everyone of my friends decided he was a pretty creepy or unsociable person and they are glad that I wont go out with him. But yet he still doesn't give up. I don't get it.

Speaking of relationships, one if over with someone I held very close. It had to end, there was no saving it. I must just cut the strings. I hope I never have to deal with a relationship like that again. Goodbye.

I hate christmas. First of all I am not christian so the religious value of it means nothing to me, secondly I don't see a point in me joining everyone else to act fake and pretend like I've been injected with some happy juice, being forced to go around and smile at the idiots surrounding me as if suddenly they hold a place in my heart (for they didn't the day before). Nobody is his or herself that day, and it makes everything seem so unreal. In a bad way. This year I only got gifts for the people I care about, and that's probably how it'll be from now on. Why should I waste my hard earned money on someone I hate just because it's Happy Day? Anyways I worked almost every day up to christmas, and it prolly aided in leaving me bitter towards the idiots known as humans. I swear the closer it got to christmas, the more people seemed to grow stupid. I'm not a negative person or anything, just how I feel around this fake time of year.

My parents have been driving me around everywhere since the dumbass attacked me. It's been rather nice, especially on those -20 days when I really don't want to freeze on my way to work. Maybe they'll help me pay for insurance on the junky thing out in the driveway now, when they start to bore of driving me around. It's a nice feeling tho having someone drive you around as the sun is just starting to rise. You close your eyes and feel the motion and let the rays of warmth hit against your face and you soak in the wonderful feeling.

My Lynx is coming home in a few days. I can't wait. My heart has missed her greatly. Perhaps I can kidnap her so that she can't go away again. But I know she will only be home for a week or so. Then leave me again. Maybe by the time she comes home again I will be away contenting my heart.

My cat is sitting on the back of my chair and her hands are sprawled across my head, I feel like I'm attached to the chair.

I found my Book the other day. I must continue with it.

My father sent me some cash as an xmas gift. I went to go buy ffx-2 and it was all sold out. Bleh. Guess I just have to wait for restock, the rest of that money will go to savings of moving.

I'll post again tomorrow, I promise.

...

BABY!

when o when

I slept so well the other night. I only had a typical 6 hour, but it was the best sleep I've had in a long time. I woke up every 15 minutes feeling like I had had a whole nights sleep...and I would sit there for a bit and contemplate the dreams I had had then fall back to sleep. It was like time was frozen still so that I could get all the rest I needed, and that I could be in control of my dreams. I remember every dream I had perfectly. Very nice, but I'll keep them to myself. I don't post many matters of the heart on here.

I do not like feeling alone. I also do not like being pointed out by my mother that I've been acting like a hermit lately and that I wouldn't be so alone if I went out with that certain someone who keeps asking me out from work. argh. very annoying. dont like it at all. I'm going out with a girl from work tomorrow...she and I will go shopping and she will bring her son with her...and I don't exactly know much about her, and I don't like shopping very much. I don't really feel like going shopping with a person I barely know and her son....but when things get pointed out to me, welll yeah....I don't want to seem like a hermit...I just want to get away. even more tho I don't want to be alone. I'm prolly not making much sense. Oh well.

Sick Again

I remember going outside last night and looking at the sky and thinking that the clouds were snow clouds. This morning when I got up for my shower I saw a clear spot and thought that the snow clouds had gone, but I was wrong. That clear spot was rolled away quickly by mad snow clouds. By the time my shower was over it was just spewing whiteness. It was cold too. I was glad I had a while to go before work started, so that I could relax in the warmth of my shack and relax a bit. How soon that faded.

I had just started making some nice hot oatmeal for my breakfast whent he phone rang. Feeling in a bit of a better mood than the last few days I decided I would answer it. BAD idea. Who else would be calling me so early in the morning? Work. Would you like to work an 8 hour shift today stacy? *not really, but more hours more money* Umm sure *they must want me to stay an extra 2 hours later than my shift ends*. Oh Great, can you come in as soon as possible? *me in the middle of making my oatmeal and still having an hour and half before regular shift starts* What right now?? Yeah great, how about we say you start in half an hour? *it takes me 15 mins to walk to work and I am neither dressed nor have I eaten* uhhh. Great, make it in as soon as you can, see you then. *click* arrrgh why do they always do this to me. So I quickly mix up my oatmeal, scarf it down and wash that down with whatever non-alcoholic drink I can find in my fridge, quickly run around trying to find pieces of my uniform and attempt to tie my hair back. That doesn't work so well when it's still dripping wet. Yeah...I need a hair dryer. I managed to do all this in just enough time to leave me the 15 mins to walk to work. I open the door. All I see is white. The snow is so thick and the wind is coming from all directions. I look in the driveway. No vehicles. No ride for me. I have to walk, and make it there in 15 mins. Damn, this is going to be a bad day. As bundled up as I made myself, most of my hair was still exposed, and within seconds it was frozen all through. My glasses were smeared with snow leaving me blind and making me wish terribly that I'd put in my contacts today. I had to push my body against the wind coming at me and I don't know how the heck I made it to work, but I managed to get there 2 mins after I should have clocked in. I walked into the store looking like a snowman, my black pants and jacket were both white. My scarf, my hat, my eyebrows, hair, and glasses were all white. I walk into the coffee room to clock in and prepare. Everyone sitting down looking all cozy and warm with their cups of coffee and hot chocolate, they all turn to look at me. 'Wow, look at you stacy!' 'now that's devotion!' 'I would have called in sick' 'don't you drive stacy?' 'you look cold!' *yeah yeah yeah fuck you all*.

I brush myself off in attempt to get rid of most of the snow, but I still had that cold moist feeling all through my body, and my head had that little pound to it that told me I'd been exposed to too much cold. I put on my aprong, clocked in and rushed out to my till expecting there to be an emergency since I was being asked to get down there asap. Get to my till, open up and wait. And wait. And wait. I look around. Non of the other girls are doing anything, just chatting amongst themselves. It's completely dead. There are no customers. They had called me down for nothing. I go look at the daily planner, and they've written me in to work 8.5 hours, not just 8, and there is no business. How very annoying. My hair is starting to unthaw, my head is still pounding, and my stomach starts to ache (but I put it off as me having to scarf down breakfast so quickly FOR NO REASON). An hour goes by and I've maybe had two customers. I'm not feeling any better, in fact I have that sleepy dizzy feeling going through me at this point. I figured I was going to faint again. Didn't want that, so I go to the desk and ask the managers if I can go home early because it is completely dead. They tell me that I can't because they are understaffed today. I look over my shoulder to see 5 other girls doing squat. Uh huh. Another hour went by, and my stomach was feeling more queazy. I knew I wasn't going to be ok, but each time I asked if I could go home, they refused me.

I went on my first break and to try and take my mind off of not feeling well I read the paper. Nothing much in the paper. The weather section said today wasn't going to be a very nice day. Go fucking figure. I could have told you that when I stepped outside my door this morning *grumble*. I only found two interesting articles today. One was this 69 year old lady got fined for not shoveling her walkway. She had a reason for not shoveling it. She says that leaving one layer on the pavement makes the traction better for walking on. I don't really know if this is true or not, but I do find that the people who shovel their walkways alot usually have the slippriest part during my walk around bowness. Anyways she refused to pay the fine and they threatened to put her in jail for a few days. What a bunch of crap. I think that whatever guy fined her should get real -and- learn to respect his elders. Geez. The other was about this 14 year old boy who two years ago stabbed his mother multiple times while she rested on their couch, then he went to bed and left her there to die. That is freaking crazy. It's been two years and they still havn't discovered why he did it, and he still hasn't been punished for it. Makes me ponder my recent desires to have children. *fear*

Then I go back to my till. I work a few more hours and there still hasn't been much activity in the store. People don't want to move about outside during a whiteout! Go figure. Wow, we actually have some smart people in calgary, and in the bowness area! How shocking. Then I look up from the sounds of Rick and Eric (two older produce guys in the store) shouting. I see 3 little kids run out of the store. Then our secret shopper security guard goes running out along with the two men. *bog* These kids were 8 years old. What the heck could they have done to cause 3 grown men to chase after them. Turns out they had stuffed their big wintery jackets full of candy. FULL. They had over 60 dollars worth of candy packed inside their jackets. and they were only EIGHT years old. Criminals are getting younger and younger each day. I saw them inside our coffee room later when the guard was writing up his reports and waiting for the childrens parents to come get them and whatever else. The kids didn't even look dismal for what they had done, and not even for being caught. At that age if I had even managed to think up something so stupid and to get caught doing it, I would have prolly been either starring at the floor or crying. They didn't even look like bad children either ( you know how you can usual tell a bad child from a good one just by their looks) they just looked...I dunno. I don't know what I would do if I were those childrens mothers. I'd be so disappointed in them, but I wouldnt' want to make them feel unloved. I've gotten too much of that from my parents, and I would never want to make my children feel that way. But I wouldnt know what to do with them either. I guess it would be better than being stabbed by them while you rested on the couch.

In my final hour of work (only 5 hours into my shift unlike the 8.5 they've scheduled me for) I knew I wasn't going to make it for much longer but was still getting the same understaffed reply from the managers. My head started to spin and so did my stomach. I was in the middle of scanning this lady's order, packing her groceries into bags as I went. Then it came, err up it came...from my stomach. I puked...right into the closest container to me.....the bag...of groceries. It felt nice to empty my stomach, but the lady seemed rather disgusted. Heh...needless to say, the managers finally decided they had enough staff, and that I could go home. What a lucky break huh? Fuckers. At least I didn't faint. I swear I'm going to hit my head on something falling around those tills one of these days.

Before I left for home I bought another dvd: Pirates of the Caribbean. I figured I deserved it since I've been so sick lately. Nobody was home, so I had to walk home. Fun. At least the wind and snow had died down a bit. My stepfather called me when I got home and he the doctor figures that I've got some cold thats going around.

I watched the movie. It was pretty good. I think I enjoyed X2 more tho...not sure. I guess after expecting it to be so great for such a long time now it was rather disappointing. I had wanted to watch it all summer long and every time someone suggested we go to the movies I'd hope we'd watch it, and instead they(whichever group I was with at the time)'d outvote me into watching League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Times saw League over the summer: 10. Times saw Pirates: 0. Hrm. So yeah I'd been waiting a while to watch it, and now I own it. Sorry to all you Orlando Bloom lovers, but he only looks good when he's given long blonde hair and blue eyes and pointy ears. He doesn't have much emotion to his voice either. But whatever, please don't kill me. I think Nightcrawler kicked Orlando's and Johnny's butts.

And that's all I've done tonight, spoke to one person on msn and watched my movie. That's all, nothing more, feeling slightly better, but not really. I need someone to take care of me and make me better *make pouty face*

Or maybe get some sleep.....g'night.

Insert Title Here

In the last two days, my days off when I could talk the days away, I've been messaged by one person. Just one. Makes me wonder what the point of having 90 odd other people on my list. I've done next to nothing these two days. I cleaned again, which I do whever I have a day off, and I'm proud of myself for not being a total slob out here. I walked to the store once. That was it. You'd think I'd be totally bored and that Id be eager to go back to work, but I'm not. I'm also not looking forward to going to work tomorrow. I still havn't heard from Telus. How disappointing. How am I ever going to get away.

My electric blanket finally fizzled out and caught on fire while I tried to sleep last night. I thought I might cry. That blanket was supposed to be my protection from the cold this winter. And it's only December, the big cold hasn't even hit yet. *sniffle* Oh well, hopefully the other 5 blankets will do. And I should be glad that I couldn't sleep last night, else I would have never noticed the burning of the blanket on top of me and would have died. On the same note, I didn't sleep again last night. Well not until 6 am, and then was up before 10. Unable to sleep again with many thoughts rushing through my brain.

That boy from work actually called me today, how he got my phone number I will never know. I doubt any of the girls would have given it to him, and we're not listed. Oh well, you can only guess that he asked me out again. To a movie again. And as fun as a movie would be, I will not go out with this guy. So I gave him yet another excuse. When will he get the hint.

when will i be rescued from this cage......

ostss derla fretz

I almost forgot to tell you about my old man with weird accent story. So yeah, there is this old man that comes into the store sometimes and he has this particular accent to him. I can't really name the accent, it's kinda neat tho. Anyways, he's given me a nickname. Ginger. Everytime he walks past me he has to stop and have a convo with me. And I have no idea when this guy started coming to our store, so I wouldn't have called him a regular or anything, but yeah he would just strike up conversations as if he knew for some long time or something. I found out few days ago that he calls me ginger because of my red hair. But it's all kinda creepy really. Because of the things he says. "Ahhhhhh, thar's mah Gingah!! Ahhh, sucha pretty Gingah she is! Mmmmm" *proceed to have him stare at me for a bit* "I loves tha Gingah's, oh yessss! Back in mah day I knew lotsa Gingah's. Ow's mah Gingah today?" yeah...and it kinda goes on. Well if you can imagine him and his accent, I'd hope you'd agree with me that it's kinda creepy.

Dontcha hate those people who breath heavily through their nose and make those horrible nose sounds. I noticed today that alot of people that come through my till breath like that and I decided that I find it unbelievably annoying at times. From the sounds of it they definately need to blow their noses, and with the heaviness their breathing you'd think they'd either open their mouth to get the much needed oxygen, or that they would infact blow their nose. Or maybe they're trying to lauch snot out from their nose with the effort of the heavy breathing. I had that thought today as o ne customer did so breath like that when not so far away from me, and I quickly backed up fearing I was about to be snotted upon. That was my peeve for my shift at work today. For the rest of my shift it was pretty enjoyable until the very end when I fainted yet again. My head's been feeling pretty light since then.

Well I've suddenly decided I don't want to post anymore...g'night.