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I did not sleep at all last night. I stayed up until 4 am, actually slightly later than that but I don't remember checking the clock any time after 4, talking with Stephan. Definately one of the longest conversations I've ever had. I was dead tired when we both agreed that we should head to bed, but for the following 3 hours I just layed there, having sleepless dreams and just thinking. Deciding that I wasn't going to get any sleep I got up and had a nice long shower. And now here I am. I will probably suffer later today at work, as I don't usually pull all nighters when I'm working the following day. I'm just lucky I switched shifts with Ronald so that he'd take my 8am-er and I can at least rest until my new shift starts at 4.

I don't really remember much about my shift last night, other than switching my shifts with Ronald (always fun to screw with the managers minds when someone else shows up for your shift), and being asked out by that curtesy clerk yet again. He's a nice boy, but not for me. And this is the 5th time, you'd think he'd get the point of my turning him down. He must really be determined. I don't have any unusal, funny, nor stupid stories to tell of my yesterday shift. As far as I can remember, I don't think any happened. How disappointing. I'm sure.

I still can't believe that I stayed up all night talking with Stephan. And so much we talked about. It was really nice. And with all that I thought about afterwards as I lay in my bed unable to sleep, I guess it really does help to put words to feelings....

Blek

Ok so my brain just did that whole *I'm gonna fall asleep now* thing...so I don't know how long I'm going to type for.

I'm also quite hungry at this point, and am finding myself with a lack of groceries. It's been a few weeks now since I got any proper grociers, and I can't really get any yet, since rent is due in a few days, and I'm not quite sure yet if I have the money for it. I'm hoping I will, and as tonight was payday, I will check my account tomorrow after work. Me holding growling stomach looks into fridge for food, and finds half a loaf of bread, a pomagranate, and beer, vex, smirnoff, mikes, and other forms of alcohol. What a selection. Of course I did kinda blow money on the alcohol, but I wasn't sure how much would be consumed at the last party. That will due for the alchohol proportion of the next party (hoping to be a christmas party). So yeah, I stole some jam from my mothers house, and I am now having a jam sandwich and little red juicy seeds. Maybe I'll be lucky and have more than enough for rent and get myself some FOOD.

Work wasn't too bad tonight, as the shift went by fast, and once the managers were gone the desk girl got me to close my till so I could 'help' her do her work, which was basically gossiping about everyone else working that night. The managers apologized before they left for the mistakes they made with my non-existant shift the day before, and so I didn't really get in trouble. But I still can't wait to hear back from Telus and hope they have a job for me.

I was gonna tell you my creepy/funny story about an old man who calls me ginger...but I've decided instead I'm off to bed. My brain isn't letting words form...it wants sleep. G'night

What is lost has been found

Ok I just spent like an hour trying to remember what my user name was on here. It's been so long with so much trama, and alcohol drinking in betwwen that I totally forgot what my user name was. I beg my dear blogger for forgivness. *listens* He forgives me.

**Pauses while she has a long chat with Dustin and Alex**

Yeah, so it's been a while, but I guess I can say that I'm feeling better, and that it prolly wouldn't have been positive posts if I had made any since the last time that I did so. I started my promotion at work in this time, and I liked the work of the promotion. But I'm starting to get annoyed with alot of the workers at work. And starting to like Safeway even less than I did before. And people have been giving me ideas of other places I could check out.

Ok, first I think I should apologize if some of the things I say don't make sense in this post because I'm rotating back and forth between here and two chats, so I might not be following my stories through properly. But I prolly wont even post much tonight anyways, since I don't really feel like it, but had promised that I would post SOMETHING today. With that over with I'll go on to talk about night crew. I love working FM during the night. The actual night crew is filled with crazy guys who actually smoke pot in the store and keep me amused throughout the night. The other FM girls were nice and didn't bitch when they did double the work I did as it was my first time. Not to mention you can wear whatever you want because the store isn't open so no uniform required. And they played CJ all night and I caught up on some of the new music I'd been missing out on lately. I spent most of the night on the floor figuring out tags, stamps, signs and stickers for various items. I didn't have to sit on the floor unless I was doing the bottom shelf, but it was fun, so I did anyways.

My funny story of some crazy customer for tonight, as I will try to have a new one (not much effort as stupid shit usually happens with customers at work anyways) each time I post, is about a little old lady. They are the good ones. She comes rushing in to me as I've just started my shift, doing her little old lady shuffle feet repeatedly run looking totally distraught. I ask her if I can help her. "Oh yes yes, there is something wrong with the carts, please you must hurry before someone steals my quarter!". Apparently she couldn't figure out how to separate a cart from the others, and instead of taking her quarter back out she left it there while she searched for help. I get out there and it turns out she's put the quarter in the second cart instead of the first, so she unlocked two instead of one and to her little old lady self it was not obvious. So I shove the second cart back into the pile with the others, grab her quarter and put it in the first one. She looks at me like I've discovered the cure for cancer. I give her the best smile I can conjure without snorting and go back to my till. Later on she comes through my till. She is purchasing 2 items, that she could have fit in one hand. She hadn't even needed the cart. She comes up to me and goes "Ahhhhh, my little knight in shinning armor!"........ ....... ...... ....what the hell? This old lady is like 4'9 and she's calling me little. And she's acting like I did some big brave thing when all I did was fix some silly mistake that her old feeble mind created. Whatever.

Tonight I got in trouble from work. I had the last 3 days off, and I told my manager over the weekend that I did NOT want to work at all these days, so not to bother calling. But of course she called each day asking if I would work one of them. I did not answer my phone, so they left messages. But aparently to a safeway manager, if you leave a message on someone's answering machine that automatically means that that person has agreed to work the shift, even if you never directly spoke to that person. So they had booked me to work tonight, and I never knew about it, until they call me and ask me where the hell I am, because I am late. Well, I'm not fucking late, cuz I'm bloody well not working today so screw off. "Well stacy, how about you just come down now and we'll forget about everything, we wont even write you up for being late". Yeah Fuck You Bitch. It's my day off and I'm not coming it. I reply "no". "no?". "No, I'm not coming it, it's my day off and I'm not coming in because you guys made a mistake. And if you dare write me up, I'll report you". "Ok stacy, have a good night". Yeah fuck you too. So yeah, I'll prolly get into shit tomorrow, but I'm not concerned. Not in the least.

Because!!!!!!! I'm tired of them always screwing me over with my shifts. I deserve the days off that I get, and when I get them and pretell that I don't want to work these days, for fuck with me and schedule me to work them. So for those of you (you know who you are) that told me that I was being pushed around and being walked over by Safeway people, you were right, and I'm sorry for disagreeing with you, and I hope you're proud of me for standing up for myself tonight.

And!!!!! I applied at Telus tonight. From what I can tell I'm more than qualified for the position I applied for and they will, after a few months start to train me up for a better job. So I will get the education that everyone is wanting me to get, without having to go back to school. And it'll be a better job, and be paying more, which are very good things. I swear I'm not sticking around her forever, and I mean to stand by my word. So I can get this training, and then stay with them for the required amount of time that they ask you to stay with them, and then I can start planning my escape. Much good plans I am thinking. Something with go screwy as it always does I'm sure, but for now I will be in good moods. Why worry about something that hasn't come to pass yet. Why worry at all, be happy with what you got and deal with problems when they happen. I really appreciate and care for the person who taught me that. Thank you.

Well I guess I'll get going now that the hot chocolate effects has worn off me. I'll be sure to post again soon, now that I'm in better spirits. Someone reply to some of this stuff. Nobody ever replies to anything, except Stephan *hugs stephan*. I'll keep you all informed about the job and stuff too. Wish me luck.

lovely

excellent, now that I know that works (didn't you like my drawing btw? one of my best works I think), I can add pics here and there.

I suppose I'll start off by talking about what I did today. I did next to nothing. I'm still not feeling recovered from the party I don't think. I have that lazy feeling where I could sleep but I don't really want to, and I don't really feel like doing anything like *cough* cleaning up around here...anyways. I did go to work today, and it was an average shift, but it seemed to kinda drag on forever....and ever. But then it ended. And I got to walk home, as it snowed on me, and I forgot my funky new hat that I got. Did I mention previously that I got a funky new hat? I'll have to show it off sometime, cuz it's pretty funky...I believe I mentioned that already.

Then I came home, and weaseled my way out of talking with my mother by acting like I was all happy and shocked that I got a free magazine in the mail. It was a YM btw, yipee skippy. And then I came into my shack and ignored the mess and made my way to comp...and that's where I've been since. At least I got some work done on here. I updated a few pages for some stuff, tried tracking down Shadow again (I am determined to find him again and see what has become of him), got my digital camera to hook up with comp again, died a couple times on diablo......and....did some investigating..but I wont get into that. And I remembered to make time for my precious blog. *kisses computer screen over the words BLOGGER*

Well just to add on to my ever-so-exciting day, I guess I'll show some of the pics that came from the party. Check them out here.
Well there ya go. I'm done for tonight. Enjoy!

test

I would like to try linking some pics, lets home it works if you click here which will hopefully load one of my drawings. Plz plz plz work!

I feel accomplished...

Yup, Imma feelin accomplished in many ways. Not only did I manage to stay up long enough to make a post tonight, but I added comments to my pages now too. Feel free to drop a line. Also feel free to bitch if I delete a post you make if I feel it is inapropriate. Oh hey, I'm accomplished in other ways too. I managed to put together a party in just 2 days after believing I had canceled it, and I manged to rid myself of the major part of my sickness in time for this party. I also managed to wiggle my way through of having to put a guy down after he asked me out, and then invite him to my party (which at the time of my invitation to him did not exist). I also managed to drink the most out of everyone that showed up to the party, and I did not pass out (right away) or get sick. Yay for me.

So work has been going pretty good. My boss told me that I could pick to have some days off work in next few weeks (before the holidays then I gotta work whenever they want me to) of my chosing, because I've been such a good worker lately, taking any callins that come my way. Hey, I was taking them to get some more money, but I've they're going to reward me with me getting to pick what days I get off because I chose to accept an offer for money..sure why the hell not.

The asking out. That came from work. One of the curtesy clerks (really a nice guy because he talks to me all the time and gives me rides home sometimes and whatnot) that has worked there for about as long as I have asked me to go to a movie sat. night. I was so shocked that he'd want to ask me out, I had had no clue that he was interested in me...yes I get shocked when I don't know something about someone that I think I know. Hehe. Anyways I didn't really want to go out with him, nothing against him but yeah...I'm sure you can figure it out. So instantly my brain sends the words to my mouth "Oh sorry I can't, I'm having a party that night". That wasn't a lie if you travel back in time to a few days before when I had been planning a party for that night, but then it was getting kinda cancelled off because of mine and a few other people's sickness. Well to that he looked quite disappointed and I didn't want to make him sad, so again instantly "Why don't you come?". And that's where it started. After my shift that night I had to rush through talking to all my buds to make sure they could come, and that I didn't care if they were sick, that alcohol would make them feel better, that they had to come to party. For the rush of it all, it actually didn't turn out that bad. I managed to get quite wasted, and had lots of fun with my friends. First time I've had anything heavy to drink since I got sick of Tequilla at Brad(Xerlic)'s party, in New York.

Somewhere along the line, Alex had me calling New York to talk to Stephan, saying that we needed to mess around with his mind or something. You can read all about that joke on Grey's blog if ya want to know more. After reading it I found it quite funny. Because really I don't remember much of my talk with him, and i had no idea at the time what I was calling him for. But it was all good.

I loved it though, and I'm now anticipating the next party...maybe 2 weeks? ;) Oh and I didn't go over my limit...I didn't want to spend more than 200 dollars, and we ended up going 100 on alcohol, then 90 on lots of snacks and pizza. Pizza was gone, but I've still got a fridge full of various assortments of drinks and my counter is covered with bags of chips and other st-uff.

I don't know if I mentioned it before but I'm really starting to miss my naval ring. I'm really thinking of re-piercing it..whether I do it myself or go back to place and get that guy to do it. But everyone's tell me that I should wait for it to heal completely first. Maybe I will and maybe by then I wont be missing it as much and wont have the urge to go get it repierced. Maybe I should take out my nose ring and get my eyebrow done. Cuz I was thinking eyebrow ring would be pretty cool, but I don't think I want to have one with my nose ring too. And I never really wanted a nose ring, I'm not really sure how they managed to convince me to get that one done. Heh. Oh well, and then I'll get a second tattoo, which is still in debate of what I should actually get.

Mary will be getting back from her vacation soon and then I get to finally start my promotion job. I can't wait. Hrm what stuff has happened at work the last few days. I should be able to remember, but well it's the day after my party and my brain isn't really working right now...He never woke up after our body passed out 5 am this morning. MMMMMM Perfect Circle - The Outsider is on....good music. Grey give me good music. Oh music! Ok I don't know if you the reader has heard of this song before, because I've only heard it once already, but there is a song called Stacy's Mom or something and it's like "Stacy's mom has got it going on...." and blah blah blah...anyways, I've been getting bugged with that alot at work this week. There was even this one bunch of guys my age yesterday who were bugging me about it, and I was getting quite annoyed, and then they asked me what I was doing after work and I had to tell them that I was throwing a party, and then they had to bug me about whether or not they could come. And of course they could not. But yeah they spent so much time in the process of annoying me, that they didn't really seem to remember that their change was there for them to pick up after their purchase..and they just kinda left without it. Well normally it would go to the donation box, but it ended up paying for some of the goodies for the party that those bastards were not invited to. *satisfied smile*

Hrm well I'm sure there was alot more that I wanted to post about (especially on the safeway section of it all) but I can't really think back past anything before the party. I guess that's what I get for not posted for 4 whole days. I promise to not be so damn lazy from not on. Promise....but now I go to bed. G'night

o/hoping down the bunny trail......bunneh hop bunneh hop.......o/

je deteste la neige avec toute ma coeur...

I don't really feel like typing much, so I'm gonna be quick tonight. Or at least try...I usually end up rambling about nothingness.

So I was up most of the night after I made my last post, because I'd slept all evening..so I read and did whatever. Then slept some more, woke up at 7 am and decided that I still didn't really feel well. So I called in to work for the first time ever to inform them that I wouldn't be able to make it in today. My manager answered because she'd be the only person in the store at 7 am, heh (I accidentally forgot that the store wasn't even open for another hour) and surprisingly she wasn't upset at me, probably because I called early enough that she could find someone to replace me and that this was my first time calling in. So then I went back to bed and slept some more, and then I woke up and wandered around a bit, then I slept some more, and then I woke up. And then I showered, and then I went back to sleep, and then I woke up, and I came on comp for a while, then I took another nap, and yeah..this kinda goes on for the whole day. It was quite relaxing.

My mom was being nice to me too cuz I was sick, she gave me some food cuz she knew I was short on stuff cuz I was supposed to get groceries after my shift today (which obviously wasn't happening). And she bought me some del monte juice boxes (cherry orange and white grape!) so that I could get the fluids my body needs to heal up. It was quite nice. My stepfather on the other hand, tried to get me to shovel the walkway, since I wasn't going in to work. I just ignored him tho and went back to sleep. Heh.

I made tacos tonight, and they kinda turned out pretty nasty..I added to much spice and it made the beef burning, and they were really greasy, I prolly wont try to make them again. I also watched Hackers for like the 30th time. That kinda happens when you own movies that you like. Anyways....I even played some nightmarish diablo with Sir Regan. I only died about 10 times...losing about 20k gold each time.

I miss my naval ring terribly lately...and I'm actually considering getting it repierced..I don't know if I'll actually doing it, but it's on the brain's list of things to consider. I hope it wouldn't hurt too much, but I miss playing with it, and having the funky spikes or the playboy bunneh hanging from my belly button.

Anyways, I am getting tired again, and WoT is calling for me, as well as my electric blanket which I somehow managed to get working half way through the night through my tossing and turning, so I guess I'll hit the sack for like the 10th time today. I'll be going to the gym tomorrow providing my lungs feel less sticky, and hopefully we'll go into the mall at that time and I'll buy a hat.....mmmmm need hat badly.

Anyways, toodles.

Ugh..

Ok I would just like to mention that I didn't not post yesterday because I'm lazy and losing track of my posts. I'm actually very sick, and last night after I got off of work I couldn't keep my brain or my eyes open long enough for me to think up what I wanted to post. Today I got to work and I felt like shit, and about 3 hours into my shift I got really dizzy and fainted yet again, so they sent me home. And I slept for a couple hours, now I'm awake and feeling well enough to make a post.

I could feel the sickness growing inside me, but I figured I'd be ok once I got a day of rest, but considering I've worked every damned day since last Monday, I havn't gotten the rest I needed. Especially since I don't sleep very well on nights that I have worked. And I've been walking to and from work each day, and it's been so frigging cold, and Brenda bought the last hat the store was selling and I really wanted it because it was black and would have suited my sexy jacket perfectly. They told me to call them in the morning if I don't think I'll be up to coming in...I'm tempted to call in whether I'm feeling as bad as I am now or not. I deserve a day of rest, even though I'll be getting that on Wednesday too cuz I'm not actually scheduled to work...I dunno well see in the morning I guess. I know I don't have to worry about money, because the last two weeks I've been like starving myself or scrounging leftovers out of my parents kitchen so that I wouldn't be spending money on food. Cuz I thought I wouldn't have enough to pay for the months rent. But I got it paid and had 100 left in the bank...and as I look around my little shack right now I see lots of money. There is about 10 dollars worth of coins on the dresser as well and 2 twenties. Theres a twenty and a five here on the comp. I see a twenty over on the counter by the sink, and thers about another thirty dollars worth of coins in my teddy bank by my bed. I'm rich, I'm rich! So what was I planning on doing? Throwing a get-together this coming weekend and wasting most of that extra cash on alcohol, but now I'm not so sure. Cam says she can't come now, so that would make it only myself and two of the guys, possibly 3 if he's been invited (not sure if he has yet or not). I told Cam to come over after she is finished with her other plans, and she says she'll see....so I'm not really sure if there will be anything or not...thank goodness I havn't bought anything yet.

Yesterday at work wasn't so bad, cuz even though I could feel myself getting sick, it was practically dead the whole night, so we all got to hang around and talk with each other. I had long conversation with my favorite curtesy clerk, Keegan. He's such a sweety. He is pretty much deaf, but he can read lips and I think he might be able to hear some sounds, because he does have a hearing aid. I always love talking to him because he's always got a great attitude and a good heart. And I think he likes talking with me because he can actually understand the things I say.

Oh it was amazing though. Last night, early on my shift, two fellows walked right out the store with a cart full of groceries. Two of the curtesy clerks caught them though, and they took off with hardly any of the stuff. We brought the groceries back inside and called the cops and stuff and we started to scan all the items so that we'd have a receipt for all the things they tried to steal. It added up to 1053 dollars worth of stuff. I was so shocked. I've never had anyone buy more than 400 dollars worth of groceries and these guys had packed the cart full of more than twice that much. 50 dollars of the items were dog food and toys. Crazy.

I was in perfect mood for most of the night, until just before I left my last customers flipped out at me because I didn't know what he was talking about. He wanted to know where we kept our de-icers..and I had no clue what he was talking about. I tried to tell him that I didn't think we sold those, as in my head I picture some weird contraption that heated ice cubes and melted them. Why the hell would anyone invent something like that, just stick the stupid thing in a microwave if you're that desparate to melt one. He got angry at me for just saying that I didn't think we had those, and I was about to say to him 'ice melts on its own anyways, what would you need this for', but just from my blank look I was giving him, he turns an angry shade of red and yells 'are you stupid or something? you know the salt that you sprinkle on the roads so that it de-ices the roads?!!!!!!!!' OMFG....why the fuck didn't he just ask for a bag of salt or something? Who the hell calls it a de-icer! I'm sorry my vocabulary doesn't include Idiot's Slang, please forgive me. Anyways, that kinda annoyed me, so just before I left I did the closing announcements, because the other girls like how perfessional I sound when I do it...but instead of my usual 'please prepare to leave and have a good night' sounding announcement, it was more like 'get the fuck out our store, we'll be open again tomorrow, but you better not be back'.....I wish I could say that.

My electric blanket wasn't working last night, I gotta try it tonight, if it is broken I will cry, because I need that soo badly to get me through winter..it's my sanctuary from the cold.

Well I don't really remember the rest of the stuff I was gonna say in this post...prolly wasnt anything important, most likely another rant about something or another at work. I guess I should go lay down again and hopefully start feeling better.

Oh and btw- I'm sorry if you can't accept me for who I am, I've learnt to accept your flaws, I would have thought you could do the same.

G'night.

Death to the Wishmaker, as I bath in my own tears...

Well it seems my happiness was short lasted. I don't really want to talk about it right now, and I also dont feel like talking about the other things I had planned to mention in this post. I'm feeling bad again.....bad as in sad....depressed. Loneliness has returned as my companion and I can no longer see the ending. I'm sorry as well that I can't keep shrugging things off and biting my tongue. My cheeks are black from my mascara mixing with my tears, and my fingers are sparkling from rubbing my eyes and smearing my eyeshadow.

drroah uil usstan.......

Watch out, I'm evil....

I had been meaning to make my post earlier, but well when I got home from work I found that there were quite a few halloween specials on. And it's hard to keep a train of thought when you're intently watching movies. All together tonight I've watched one of the Friday the 13ths, a bit of Shadow of the Vampire, Beetlejuice, The addams Family, Gremlins, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and though it's not in the spirit like the rest, I watched Desparado up to the part where you see Sexy Depp die. Hehe. Gremlins is actually still on now, but I'll try to keep my attention on here. *5 mins later* Ok ok, but that was a good part.

Gizmo is so cute. I want him. I wish my cats were Gizmo, then they wouldn't be annoying, but they'd be cute. Cura kinda looks like Gizmo. Anyways....

I can't really think of most things I had wanted to say today. Didn't really do much, Woke up, lazed around, went to work, came home and watched movies.

It's halloween obviously, but it didn't really feel like it. The roads and the walkways were covered in ice, making it difficult to get around, and plus it was cold. I didn't see one trick-or-treater the whole night. Very depressing, cuz I've noticed no many people are in the spirit of things up here. I remember back home we'd get at least 200 children at our door.

*If I had a Gizmo......I'd Hug It And Squeeze It And Call It My Own* Sorry hehe.
*Pauses again to watch sexy depp die yet again in instant replay of desparato and have converstaion with Matt*

Oh oh, while my brain still remembers, I'll tell you about the best thing of not only the day but what has happened in a long time. A guy came through my till tonight and kept staring at me and he was like "Uh oh, you're a troublemaker, arn't you? I know you are, I can tell" and I grin and am like "How can you tell?" and he's like "Your hair, you're a redhead..and I can see it in your eyes...you're full of trouble!". And he just kinda stared at me, smirking and shaking his head the whole time I did his order. He was like "it's amazing it surrounds you" and I'm like 'ok lol, have a good night' and he's like "yeah I will, and you stay out of trouble" and I'm like "aww but it's halloween, I might not be able to help myself" and he laughed. It was great, I was in such a good mood, all because he said I look like I'm a troublemaker. And then the following customers, for the first time in a long time when they would ask 'how are you' I would reply 'i'm great!' instead of my usual 'i'm fine, how are you'. And I couldn't stop grinning the whole night.

Ugh House On Haunted Hill on again..I don't think I can stand to watch this movie again right now...maybe I should get to be too heh. Yeah that's a good idea, since I don't really have anything productive to talk about, though I never do, I find I'm babling more than usual, heh. G'night.